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[Dvar Torah] Toldot

In this week’s Parsha, Parashat Toldot, we learn that Rivka and Yitzhak had no children for twenty years. They prayed to G-d to conceive a child. Eventually, their prayers were answered, and Rivka became pregnant with twins, who were later named Esav and Yakov (Esau & Jacob). Rivka was told that these twins would eventually become two rival nations. 

Rivka gives birth to twins who are extremely different in appearance. Esav comes out first, Jacob second, holding Esav’s heel. When they grow up, they also show very different personalities. Esav develops the skills of a hunter and Jacob develops into “a wholesome man”. Yitzhak, the father, shows greater love to Esav, whilst Rivka, the mother, favours Yakov.

One day, when they are adults, Esav disavows his birthright (as the eldest son) by selling it to Yakov for a bit of food. When the time comes for Yitzhak to pass on the blessing of his father to his children, Rivkah persuades Yakov to trick Yitzhak, who is blind, into thinking he is Esav, thereby receiving the blessing intended for Esav. This blessing has consequences to who will continue to lead the family line to become the chosen people. This trick, of course, did not turn out well and Yakov had to flee for his life, afraid of the wrath of his brother Esav. 

We mentioned that the Torah states that Yitzhak loved Esav more, and Rivka loved Yakov more. Does the Torah mention this as criticism to show what happens when one child is favored over the other? Some commentators definitely see it that way. And the outcome of this “favoring” is a huge lesson to all parents.

But, some see this love as a positive thing: Yitzhak loved Esav since he was his son, which is what parents do. Parents love their children regardless. This does not mean that Yitzhak was blind to  Esav’s very bad decisions and he knew that Esav could be a better person. This conveys that Yitzhak knew as a parent he must love his child for being his child despite his choices and behavior. 

Parents can still convey disapproval for their childrens’ actions. A parent should not disown their child just because they show disappointment. This teaches a significant lesson in parenthood. Yitzhack’s brother Yishmael was sent away by his father Avraham, this pained Avraham and hurt Yishmael. Yitzhak decided not to let the same thing happen to Esav. 

In the twentieth century, someone brought to the great Rabbi Avraham Yitzhak Kook - the first Ashkenazi Chief Rabbi of pre-state Israel -  the following dilemma: a father gave his son good quality Jewish education, and always kept the Mitzvot at home. But, his son eventually didn’t follow Jewish traditions, didn’t keep the Mitzvot and didn’t identify himself as a Jew. What should the father do for his son then? How should he treat him? Rabbi Kook asked the father - “Did you love him when he was religious?”, “Of course,” replied the father.  “Well then,” Rav Kook replied, “Now love him even more.”

Sometimes love can overcome disapproval. Maybe the Torah is telling us that Yitzhak was anything but blind to his oldest son’s nature. But if you have two children, one well-disciplined, another who turns out differently, who should you devote greater attention to? Which son should you spend more time with? Perhaps, Yitzhak loved Esav not through blindness but with open eyes, even when he knew that his oldest son would give him pain and sadness. He acknowledged the moral responsibility of parenthood: not to despair of or disown even a stubborn son.

Shabbat Shalom!

Natalie, Grade 10